As educators, we understand the profound impact parental involvement can have on a child’s educational journey. However, in today’s fast-paced, high-pressure and often materialistic world, the demands and expectations from parents can sometimes feel overwhelming for school leaders at all levels. As a Deputy Head of an Independent Prep School in Berkshire, I’ve encountered my fair share of challenging situations with parents, but I’ve also learned invaluable lessons along the way, which translate to any sector. In this guest blog post, I aim to share insights and practical tips on effectively managing parental demands and fostering positive partnerships between schools and parents.
1. Setting the Stage: Understanding Parental Expectations
One of the first steps in dealing with demanding parents is to recognise and understand the underlying reasons for their expectations. In our case, parents are paying for it – they want value for money and to know that they couldn’t get better for free at the state school down the road. Parents essentially want the best for their children and may express their concerns or desires in ways that seem demanding, this can also be down to guilt and insecurity on their part. By approaching interactions with empathy and a genuine desire to understand their perspective, we can build trust and open lines of communication. Trust really is vital, if parents don’t trust that we also have their child’s best interests at heart, they won’t be buying whatever our conversations are selling.
2. Communication is Key: Establishing Clear Channels
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful partnership. As school leaders, it’s essential to establish clear channels of communication with parents from the outset. This may include regular updates through newsletters, parents’ evenings or open-door policies that encourage parents to voice their concerns or feedback. This effective communication stems the tide of many parental complaints as parents often don’t have the time (or inclination) to keep up with what’s going on with school or their child. If you’re able to signpost them to clearly communicated information when they’re asking/complaining about it, the pressure is immediately off you and the onus on them. Even if you have no answers for them yet, still communicate- a little note to say you’ve listened and you’re looking into it goes a long way to keep the situation calm and buys you time to manage your workload and get to the bottom of their query.
3. Building Relationships: Getting to know parents
Essentially if parents like you and/or value you as a positive influence in their children’s lives, they are less likely to want to be demanding of your precious time- except when it’s a coffee morning and there’s cake, then they want to chew your ear off! A quick friendly comment at drop-off or pick-up goes a long way, remembering to ask about the dog’s trip to the vet or their weekend away can make the parent feel that you also value them, and it’s then a two-way street. It may take some time initially to build these relationships but you cannot undervalue them: the payback can be immense. I’ve managed really difficult conversations with parents because they see me as someone who values and cares about them. I’ve had behaviour from children vastly improve because they know I can pick up the phone to their parents any time and they’ll listen, or because they know their mum thinks I’m nice. These parents then invariably end up as the ones who are the most grateful for anything we do for their child and become the least demanding.
4. Walking the Talk: Ensuring Accountability in Promises
Integrity is not just a moral attribute but a practical necessity in education. To navigate the complex waters of parental expectations, it is crucial to ensure that promises made are promises kept. If you have offered to deliver something to parents, or their child, make sure you do and communicate through the process. This follow-through on building trust with parents is a way in which a school can transparently showcase its commitment and gain long-term benefits by establishing a reputation for reliability. Parents are less likely to be demanding if they know that you will definitely deliver on your commitments to them.
5. Setting Boundaries: Balancing Parental Involvement
While parental involvement is invaluable, it’s essential to establish boundaries to ensure a healthy balance between school and home life. A lot of parents at our school have no boundaries to start with, but with carefully curated relationships you can easily set those boundaries, even if the parents aren’t going to like them. Clearly communicate expectations regarding parental involvement, homework support and communication channels to avoid misunderstandings or over-involvement that may lead to burnout for both parents and school staff. Does your school have a thorough communications policy, which states the lead time for you to reply, for example? Have you thought about how much you are demanding of your parents; are you making reasonable requests of their time and involvement?
6. Being Proactive: Preventing the Problem and Owning Your Mistakes
Being able to admit when your wrong can be really empowering, especially if you realise it before the parent does. We are all only human and parents sometimes forget that; making mistakes and apologising for them can help to remind parents that we are people too, after all ‘To err is human..’. The ‘getting in first’ part is also key, foreseeing any issues with particular parents or children and acting upon them before they become a problem, reassures parents that you know what you’re doing and that you care. Horizon scanning and thinking strategically here can really help to nip any potential issues in the bud.
7. Building Bridges: Collaborative Problem-Solving
Instead of viewing parental demands as obstacles, embrace them as opportunities for collaborative problem-solving. Involve parents in decision-making processes, seek their input on school policies or initiatives and work together to address concerns or challenges. By fostering a sense of partnership and mutual respect, parents will also feel valued and more inclined to uphold your policies, support your initiatives and work with you to ensure the whole parent body does so too.
As with any reciprocal relationship, communication is key. Managing communication between school and parents takes time and effort but it will pay huge dividends. Ultimately a robust partnership will lead to better outcomes for children and make our lives as educators that little bit easier. To quote John C Maxwell, “I believe that everyone chooses how to approach life. If you’re proactive, you focus on preparing. If you’re reactive, you end up focusing on repairing.” Being proactive about creating a robust relationship with parents will prevent you having to repair relationships at a later date.